Help! Is this thicc boi a brown recluse?
No, definitely not. It might be Zoropsis spinimana, which is not dangerous. https://spiderid.com/spider/zoropsidae/zoropsis/spinimana/ I like your username. 🙂 These spiders won’t bite you except in self-defense if you handle one too tightly or roughly with bare hands. So, as long as you don’t do that, you and your spider won’t get injured.